My weekend:
I had a crazy busy weekend and that's why this post is late. On Friday I came home, had a couple hours, and then got picked up for a party. Gabby's host parents drove the two of us to one of our classmates house for his birthday. Many people from our class were there and it was a lot of fun. We left at 1am and I didn't get to sleep until 2. Then after sleeping for 11 hours, I woke up, and had one hour before I had to leave for my friends house in Esterwegen. When I got there we did a photo shoot and I learned the correct way to get a good photo of someone with a phone. Later that day a couple more exchange students came and we all ate and hung out before going to the Oktoberfest carnival in the town. We met one more there and became a total of 9 exchange students. The night was filled with dancing and loud music and walking to a playground together. I didn't get to sleep until 5am. When I got home the next day, I had a couple more hours before Lena, Zoe's best friend, and her sister picked me up. We went to Escobar and then to get pizza and ice cream.
Doing a lot this weekend was exhausting but it made me feel really good about myself and my exchange. I had a lot of fun and made a lot of memories. I've heard that many exchange students regret not seeing people as often as they could. So I'm learning from other people's regrets. I want this to be one of, if not the best, years of my life. I want to thank Rotary again, because without them this amazing opportunity wouldn't have been possible. There aren't even words to describe how incredible exchange is. Something they always said was "if every student did exchange, there would be peace" and I think that statement is so true but yet, it doesn't even begin to cover it. In my opinion, if even 1/10th of all students had the opportunity to do exchange, almost all of the worlds problems would be solved. Learning from other countries and other people is the best way to improve yourself and your own country. I have learned a lot about what the U.S. could do better and also how Germany could take steps to improve aspects of their school system and teenage life here (because I don't have too much experience beyond that).
Friends and Family and Feelings:
So I'm still missing my friends and family although not to the point where I'm too homesick... yet. That's probably coming soon but right now I feel like I'm probably just going to feel this way for the whole year; constant mood swings. I was too busy this weekend to be sad at any point but it does happen sometimes. I've been talking to other exchange students and they're dealing with/dealt with the same thing, so I know that I'm not alone. Having other people go through the same thing is comforting, no matter the situation. Having just one person who can say "yes, I know exactly what you're talking about" and mean it, is an amazing thing. I've found that in a couple people recently and I think it's been helping me to keep moving forward.
I've been stuck between this feeling of "I love it here" and "I want to go home." Between bursts of severe depression and moments of insane happiness. Are these feelings what it's like to be pregnant??? If so, I never want a part of it, I hate this. Although to be honest, it is a little funny because I'll get sad and then be like "what am I even sad about?!" I feel like I don't really need to go home. The only thing there for me is my family, pets, and bed. Oh man, I miss my bed. So many good memories in that thing... like sleeping. And watching Netflix. And sleeping some more. There's good things about where I live and there's things I miss, but every time I get sad about not being home, I just remember the good things about living here. I think about how amazing it has been so far. How fast the first month went and how time goes by SO fast even when I'm living in the moment.
Now I also want to clear up some possible confusion about my whole "rhapsody" section. After I did the first one, I decided that I liked doing them. I would have titled the section "rant" but rant implies anger, and I'm not angry. Rhapsody sounds pretty and it works for what I need it for. So here it is.
Rhapsody 3:
In Kunst (art class) we're making movie posters for a short animated clip we saw about snails. Here's the link: << https://www.arte.tv/fr/videos/062874-000-A/1-metre-heure/ >> As always, I was getting frustrated with my drawing because it wasn't coming out the way I wanted it to. The girl sitting next to me told me that it looked good and I just needed to move on. When I added more detail and color, she said, it would look good and in the end, the part that I was focusing on wouldn't even matter that much. In that moment I decided that I'm going to try to start living the rest of my life that way. If I can't fix something after trying my best, I just need to move on. If I'm stuck on something from my past, I just need to move on. I need to start focusing on the things that I actually have control over instead of worrying about things that I can't change. Up until this point, I either haven't realized that I need to do that or I haven't made a conscious decision to try. From now on though, I'm going to try; because that's all I can do. If my efforts pay off, fantastic. If they don't, oh well I know that I tried.
This is all part of my journey to become a new person. I want to better myself and I believe that I have started to. From January 1st, 2019 to now, I have changed so much. I used to think that I was an introvert with extrovert qualities. And while that is still true to some degree, I realized that I actually do love being out with my friends and seeing people that I care about. I have become far more open to going out with my friends. I'm fine with dancing at parties. I'm fine with looking stupid in front of people because I'm having fun and I know that I'll never see them again. I'm open to new things and new adventures because who knows the next time I'll have that opportunity. I've been working these past months on actually living; going out and doing things. If you look at the home page of my blog, there's a quote that talks about how one must go out and happen to things, rather than just letting things happen to them. I'm trying to do that, hence study abroad and going out. As always, I encourage you, my dearest reader, to find ways to better yourself. Whether it be by following the same steps as me, or finding your own ways. No one can be perfect, but we can never stop improving ourselves. Each person is only given one life. You get one life to live how you want. So make it count; go have fun.
Photo Gallery:
The Oktoberfest/carnival that I went to with everyone, the photo shoot with my friends, and pizza from Sunday with Lena.
